Living With Agoraphobia

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Aimee_B_Pickett]Aimee B Pickett
I suffer from agoraphobia. I am a 31 year old female who has had panic disorder since I was 13 years old, although I can remember being anxious even earlier in my childhood. The agoraphobia set in when I was around 18 by starting off with my fear of going into stores and riding in the car to certain places, mainly the interstate scared me. I could bore you with all the events leading up to my agoraphobia, but I won't. Instead I am going to inform you on how it is to live with agoraphobia. I am happily married to my high school sweetheart who is, thankfully very understanding. We married at 20 years old and I can say that I was doing pretty well at this point in my life. I was working as a waitress and he was a laborer for our little city. I still drove during this time. I did not, however drive anywhere I felt uncomfortable due to an extreme panic attack at the age of 18 that put this fear into me. In fact, most of the time my husband would drive me to work. I worked, my husband worked, and on our days off we would hang out with our friends. We were pretty normal back then.
I started to notice around the age of 22 that I was becoming more anxious and also noticed that the panic attacks started coming more frequently and even more severe. I got to a point where I would not drive at all. At 23 I decided to quit my job because my fear had become so bad. I was scared to leave our home, scared to go into big stores, and scared to travel anywhere outside of my comfort zone. I would only leave the home if absolutely necessary, and I would be a nervous and shaky mess the entire time. My husband had to work, so he would take me to either his parents house, my parents house, or my grandmothers house while he did so. The doctors that I would see kept telling me that I had social phobia. I was prescribed an anti-depressant and sent home. It was never even suggested for me to seek counseling. This was a very dark time for me, but imagine how hard it was for my husband who was used to seeing me full of life and happiness. I became very depressed, but rarely showed it to anyone besides my husband.
The internet was my outlet and I actively sought out forums for people with anxiety disorders. I joined an awesome forum and read one post about a member who applied for social security disability due to their disorder. I decided to apply for SSD (social security disability) as well. SSD is not easy to be approved for at all. I applied in 2004 and was denied 3 times before finally being approved in 2007. I am very thankful to receive SSD, but at the same time I feel bitter because I can not work and I want to. I have to rely on my husband or my parents (mainly my mother) for everything. Sure, I can cook, shower, comb my hair, etc., but I have to have my husband or someone else that I feel safe with in my presence in order to do so. I can not stay alone, I can not drive alone, and I can not go many places due to the fear of the fear (anxiety).
I have been through numerous types of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication but none of them magically allowed me to do things outside of my comfort zone. I have been in therapy, but again, it has not magically allowed me to do things that I am fearful of either thus far. The will to get better IS in me, but the fear is so strong that I can not even attempt to expose myself to the things that make me so scared. Living this way is tough, but I am very thankful that it is not worse. I know that my husband gets frustrated because we can not do many things, but he is very understanding. I use to be very embarrassed by this condition, but the older I get, the more open I am with my disorder. What has helped me more than anything is my faith in God and the forum that I am a member of. Knowing that you are not alone is the most important step in the recovery process. One day I will get better, and if you are reading this and have agoraphobia as well, then keep in mind that you will get better one day as well.
Aimee Pickett
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Living-With-Agoraphobia&id=6589462] Living With Agoraphobia